(background image of pride flag, courtesy of Canva.com; foreground photo of five human hands of different skin color resting on a table, courtesy of Unsplash.com)
“Dominator culture has tried to keep us all afraid, to make us choose safety instead of risk, sameness instead of diversity. Moving through that fear, finding out what connects us, reveling in our differences, this is the process that brings us closer, that gives us a world of shared values, of meaningful community.” ~bell hooks
I grew up in an authoritarian household, immersed in dominator culture. My role in that family was peacekeeper. I worked hard to keep everyone around me calm and settled. That safety strategy no longer serves me, my family, or my community. When I witness the violence and incessant harm being caused to brown, black, indigenous, people of color, LGBTQIA+ folks, disabled people, neurodivergent folks…all those that don’t “fit the cultural standard” my heart insists that I challenge my own comfort and safety and take appropriate risks. This means stirring discomfort in others, which bumps up hard against my inner peacekeeper! Yoga has given me a safe enough community to practice these skills and show up in a new way.
Staying small, avoiding this reality, ignoring the suffering, makes me complicit in the harm!
Yoga has taught me that when I harm another, I harm myself. When I harm myself, I harm another. As I grow my consciousness, move beyond my human reactions, and look for what unites us, I practice to experience the depth, the sameness, the interconnection. In this way I can offer benefit, love, understanding, and healing in my community.
Tantra yoga teaches us how to live the paradox of reality. Activist and author Sonya Renee Taylor writes about the “great both/and.” That we need both personal safety, and the connection, purpose, and meaning we find in community. The ancient Tantric kulas (defined as grouping, family, community) were spiritual communities that came together in practice and rejected caste, class, and gender divisions!! Subversive and counter culture more than one thousand years ago in a time and place of a rigid Brahmanical caste system they were counter culture. These kulas valued individual autonomy, healthy self boundaries, and a conscious community that was intentional, inspirational, and reflective. Within these communities they identified…
Three Levels of Relationship:
At the first level, “I am nothing like you,” we see differences. We are made this way! With a negatively biased mind (by design and in service to our safety and survival) and a powerful automatic defensive system (fight/flight/freeze), the very first thing we will recognize in a novel situation is at this level, differences. We have different biographies, different preferences, different appearances.
At the second level, “I am something like you,” we begin to see beyond our differences to what we have in common. A human body with common features. We share the same needs for safety and belonging. We are all part of the same human family.
At the third level of relationship, which we begin to catch in glimpses and practice for a more enduring recognition that, “I am nothing but you.” Here, at the deepest level of relationship we see beneath our differences to the subtle presence that unites us. We share the same needs for love and connection; we all experience pain and suffering; we are all breathed by the same breath of Grace.
We are all one in this!
When you come together with your kula, open to the Bigger Energy; solid in your autonomy; abiding in our shared Presence; you see the One; the equanimity; the life force that is Consciousness and your recognition of this in your heart and in ALL hearts is the highest purpose of the practice of yoga!
Practice: Identify and Witness the 3 Levels of Relationship in your Experiences
Possible scenarios for practice:
- The next time you meet someone new.
- Watch a TV program with characters that seem very different than you.
- Pull into your memory a time you met someone you “didn’t like” at first, but are now friendly with. Replay the memory as vividly as you can.
Look for your experience of the three levels. Notice sights, smells, sounds, images, sensations, thoughts, emotions, and meaning making.
Level 1: What differences are you noticing? What stories arise in your mind first as you meet this new person? Notice your body, look to your inner experience. Do you notice a speeding up? As slowing, shutting, or numbing down? A change in inner weight or rhythm? Notice any vibes? Does an image or memory arise? What stories does your mind make up?
Level 2: Look for similarities! Notice features, the light in someones eyes, the smile on their face, the emotion in their voice. Consider how your histories and upbringings might be similar. Notice this person’s humanity. Notice your own humanity. What other commonalities can you identify?
Level 3: Make yourself comfortable. Take a few breathes with your attention on your heart space. You might place your palms over your chest center and notice the rhythm, the speed, the texture of your breath breathing your heart space. Notice as you breathe that all beings are breathing the same air as you. Remember all the times your breath breathes you and everyone else without our effort. Honor that She breathes everyone else too. If you are noticing discomfort or pain, use that experience to remind yourself that everyone experiences pain and suffering. We are always doing the best we can with what we know and have resources for at the time. Offer compassion for yourself and others. Self compassion requires you to remember our common humanity. This person suffers and experiences pain, just like you. Can you sense their Spirit?
Remember that we are part of a natural and social web of life that supports and sustains us!
You might pull out pen and paper and sketch out something simple, like a food web. Write down all the steps and travels and hands and business and governments and legislations that were involved to get that banana on your cereal, or that avocado on your toast. See the web of how a banana or avocado ends up in Vermont (or wherever you are!) and just imagine the web of life beyond!
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live your life with peace and ease!
