[image courtesy of Unsplash.com]
“The beauty of life does not live in certainty or conformity. It resides in the infinite possibilities of uncertainty.”
~Debasish Mridha
For most of my life I’ve looked outside myself for guidance, direction, understanding. I learned young to follow authority unquestioningly. In fact, I learned it so well,
I shut down from my own heart’s capacity for knowing, feeling, and inner guidance.
I created a false sense of certainty all around me through the opinions of older, wiser, more studied folks than me. I was always self-doubting. Self denying. Part of the yoga journey is practicing the yamas and niyamas; guiding principles and ethical practices for the yoga practitioner. One of the niyamas, or observances, is svadhyaya. The root “sva” refers to self; and “adhyaya” can mean lesson, lecture or reading. So this invitation has two meanings, one, to “take yourself’ to study the scriptures and teachings and two, to “study and meditate on yourself.”
Get to know yourself.
A few years ago, amidst pandemic opening and a return to in person teaching, I found myself torn in a “battle” between my head and my heart the early weeks of my decision. My mind found great comfort in the predictable routine and ease of teaching from home. And, my heart was both dry (from being so removed from others all these many months) and feeling pulled. Pulled to see my students and clients. Pulled to be together again. Pulled to show up for studios. Pulled to be present for students who I hadn’t seen in almost 18 months. Pulled to choose how to best serve my students well as I now split my attention to live and online participants simultaneously. Anxiety moved in for a short stay and a very uncomfortable urgency began to overtake my decision making.
In my studies of the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient yogic text, often described as a spiritual handbook for the seeker,
I came to understand the relationship between my head and my heart; between my competing needs for both certainty and uncertainty.
In the story, the hero Arjuna is poised to fight on the battlefield and finds himself in a panic, full of doubt and anxiety. He says to his friend, charioteer, (the Divine!), Krishna, “The mind is restless, unsteady, wild, and stubborn. Truly it seems to me as hard to master as the wind.” If you’ve ever sat in meditation or experienced anxiety you’ve likely shared this sentiment. Krishna offers Arjuna two yogic paths, jnana and bhakti. Jnana yoga is the yoga of knowledge. Not only book knowledge but also self knowledge and through meditation and reflection in an embodied way the practitioner is led to wisdom, liberation (from that windy mind!), and self realization. Bhakti yoga also takes the practitioner to freedom through devotion and heart centered prayer on unity and love.
We often find our heads and hearts going in opposite directions. When that happens, it’s often our bodies that pay the price.
My anxious thinking (all that “pulling” I just described) and my jittery body left me sleepless; edgy; and at times exhausted. By engaging with my yoga practices, connecting breath and movement to calm my physiology, then meditation and contemplation on my heart I was able to align my head (mind content) and my heart (my body) where I found that place of clarity and the energy to take the actions needed to be back teaching in person (and online;).
Yoga teaches us how to align our competing needs for certainty and uncertainty.
Our mind’s take great comfort in a sense of certainty. The “need” to know. Something predictable to hold onto. Our hearts thrive on uncertainty; adventure; creativity; new ideas and passion; which brings a healthy sense of purpose and meaning to our lives. The challenging reality to this is that there is only one certainty in this life, and that is its end.
Voltaire wrote, “Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position. But certainty is an absurd one.”
Embracing this reality has helped me release my attachment to “needing to know,” rededicating my efforts to attuning to my heart for inner guidance, and ultimately piercing my anxiety, leaving me clear to make choices and act with more comfort within the discomfort of uncertainty.
An important distinction to make is between Uncertainty itself and our Fear of Uncertainty!
In fact, uncertainty has a powerful positive effect on the brain through the “good stress response.” This is the stress response that helps us to act, grow, and learn. In this response we find improvements in focus, working memory, and more active sharing between brain regions (coherence)! When you are in the excitement of uncertainty (rather than the fear) you experience wakefulness; you are “on your toes” and your performance is revved up. Maggie Jackson, author of Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure writes,
“…this is an epic chance to move from stagnation and automaticity…this is wisdom in motion!”
In this state we can slow down; cultivate trust and patience; investigate; deliberate; daydream; and in the sacred pause between automaticity and right action our wisdom grows. Tunnel vision is reduced and we cultivate more courage in gaining comfort within the ambiguity. We experience improved mental health and warmer relationships. All this happens within uncertainty. It is this paradox that yoga helps us to navigate. In this place there is more space for possibility.
So, how do I transform negative to positive stress? Self Reflection. Svadhyaya!
Seeking more ease in the uncertainty of living life? Join me for a class, workshop, or private sessions. If you would like to receive these notes in your inbox with free exercises and practices sign up for my newsletter HERE!
May you gently seek the comfortable spaces amidst your discomfort. May you rest in the clarity and peace that is within your heart. May you find ease in the paradox of your competing needs for certainty and uncertainty.
It is with imperfect humility that I share these yoga teachings and offer my most sincere gratitude to my teachers; my Guru; her teachers; the lineage of teachers; rishis; yogis; yoginis; and sages who have so generously shared this vidya (wisdom teachings) with us for our great benefit. It is truly a great gift. Shri matre namaha!
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
