Happiness is not a feeling?

[image courtesy of Photo by Michael Hamments on Unsplash.com]

I recently returned from India with the feeling I had been beamed “up” there (Scotty/StarTrek reference) only to be returned back in Vermont moments later. I felt like I had been in a vacuum in time, having left Vermont during the bright colors and fullness of fall foliage to be directly returned to stick season and snow. Here in Vermont, with the darker days and leafless trees, varying temperatures from freezing to balmy, we call this stick season. It is a time of year that brings doldrums, sadness, and seasonal affective disorder to many in the northeast. At my doctor’s appointment last week she asked if I was feeling low with the season change. Standard operating procedure I suppose!

I recently heard this quote from happiness researcher Arthur Brooks,

“Happiness is not a feeling any more than your Thanksgiving dinner is the smell of the turkey. The feeling of happiness is only the evidence of happiness.”

My wheels started turning. If happiness isn’t a feeling, what is it? How do we experience happiness along with suffering? There is a Chinese saying,

“The extreme form of happiness produces sorrow.”

So here we are in the paradox. The both/and. Life is a combination of both happiness and suffering. So how can our suffering inform our happiness? How can I tap into that happiness even when there is pain? Which brings me back to “Happiness is not an emotion.” Perhaps it is not a state of being so much as a state of doing. So what to do about it?

On the gross level, we can:

• Give, serve, volunteer. Through giving we receive, there is an inherent reciprocity there.
• Spend time with others. Healthy social interactions help us connect to “feeling” happy.
• Try something new. Learning and playing are great ways to boost happiness. (I’m considering learning how to nordic ski this winter).
• Move your body in nourishing ways, either through exercise, mindful practices, sport, or just being in motion is a powerful way to shift your brain & body state.

On the more subtle level:

• Cultivate Awareness. We must be able to notice when we are experiencing joy and satisfaction to grow our happiness.
• Practice gratitude and appreciation. Become aware of what’s going well. (I’m enjoying the dark evenings for reading and going to bed early)!
• Acceptance practice. When we can open up to reality and hold the paradox that suffering and pain coexist with happiness and joy we can start to see and experience the both/and.
• Meaning and purpose. Why are you here? What is most important to you? This can feel elusive if you haven’t “gone there” before. The pursuit itself can bring more significance and coherence into your life. Developing a wider perspective and recognition of something greater than yourself (be it a higher power, the Universe, Mother Nature) allows us to find a subtle underlying sense of happiness that can be all enduring.

I can definitely say that it was through many years of my own deep suffering, stuck in self defeating mindsets, closed off from life, and narrow in perspective that I came to know joy, happiness, and contentment. I lived with chronic pain for ten years. By diving deep into the suggestions above and learning how to continually look for a felt experience of ease in my body amidst the pain and discomfort, I overcame the pain and depression.

I got to test this skill out recently.

I got a bout of food poisoning in India and missed a beautiful day at the temple and divine river. I saw some new pictures of the experience and read my teacher’s description of that pristine day for her and my habit of FOMO (fear of missing out) arose, but only as words, no charge or agitation, no fear. I remembered that day, lying in bed, in the dark on a beautiful sunny day, nauseas and in pain. But the reality was that I was sick and not going on that excursion. I got (or remained) very still and looked for the beauty in my experience. The snow covered Himalayan mountain peak out my window; the warmth of my room in an icy hotel; the rats that stayed in the ceiling and not on my floor (or bed!), the comfortable pillow and clean water to drink, noticing all the parts of my body and mind that were settled and calm. All was well in my world. There was happiness!

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you both be and feel safe. May you live your life with ease and peace!

warmly,

joann (she, her)

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Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.