[Photo by madison lavern on Unsplash]
Yup, I said it. Self care is free. We are marketed too, a.k.a. psychologically manipulated into, believing that we need so much from outside of ourselves to be cared for. To feel cared for. As a recovering workaholic I used to think self care meant a few weekends away each year; a day at the spa with some friends; a monthly pedicure. Engaging with those activities meant taking time off; hiring baby/house/dog sitters; and shelling out the $$$’s to sit in a noisy, chemically smelly, fluorescent lit space, and scrolling through social media as an avoidance tactic. I’d leave feeling more stressed out and depleted than when I went in!
My attempts at self care were attempts at fleeing the stressful life I’d built.
Yoga taught me a different way to look at self care. Self care as taking good care of myself with a regular sleep and meal schedule (the body loves routines! especially aligned with nature, see my Circadian Rhythms post). Taking the time to slow down and care for my anxiety. Making space for my sadness. Being in nature, without having to power walk or run through it. Being in a yoga pose (without commentary and comparison). Being with my breath. In fact, just noticing a few mindful breaths each day makes a real difference in how I show up for myself and those that depend on me!
Yoga teaches you how to connect to the state of BEING, where you can tap into your essence and recognize this as a great act of Self Care.
Tantra yoga teaches that contraction is the play of Consciousness. Our ever expansive conscious awareness is housed in this physical body, the solid entity that I can touch, feel, sense. This body that gets injured; that ages; that needs sleep; and food; and connection with others. I think we are one of, if not the, most vulnerable infants on this planet! We require care, that doesn’t end until we do.
Self care is a discipline. I know this can be a tricky word, filled with all kinds of authoritarian pain, but I like to see it from the root disciple. One whose heart is dedicated to something greater. Dedicated to love and care.
When we honor our limits, rather than “shoulding” on ourselves (not that kind of discipline!) or comparing ourselves to others or a past version of ourselves, we can be renewed, more present, stronger. By embracing our limits, we gain access to the unlimited parts of our being. That ever expansive Consciousness. It is this paradox that yoga helps us to hold, manage, and move with.
Yoga teaches us that Grace is always available, always descending, and we have to do our part to open to her, to meet her. This idea of co-participation. Of setting the sails and allowing the wind to carry us. It takes effort. Effort to see our needs, by cultivating awareness. Effort to care about those needs, by opening our hearts to the reality of our being. Effort to take the actions required to care for those needs.
Effort and discipline that is wrapped in the compassionate question “What is good for me?”
Simple (≠easy) things, like protecting our sleep and time. Pausing for a few conscious breaths each day. Maybe more challenging things like saying no to that second drink or that extra project at work. It’s the daily decisions and choices that support our own well being. Self care is learning to say “no” to what no longer serves you and in this way you become more discerning. I love this quote from tennis coach Carl Bryan,
“Taking good care of you means the people in your life will receive the best of you rather than what’s left of you.”
As someone who “sacrificed” my own well being for others, and believed self care was something I needed from the outside, yoga has taught me that that is a farce. When our tanks aren’t full, our giving comes with a hook, a cost, some demand attached. But when we are full and content, that giving and care for others is infused with joy and love. Even the airlines have it right, “put your own mask on first before assisting others!” Insist, for yourself, that your caregiving doesn’t come at your own expense.
Then, you access the energy to work with meaning and purpose in your life. To give and share in ways that really support others, and yourself in the process!
May it be so!
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
